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Archive for January, 2010

You taught me to sing 태극기.
I sang it cheerfully waving my arms in the air, until it made me sad.
I stopped singing and I lost the beautiful voice that I inherited from you.
The lyrics faded away, making a hole in my heart.
The new songs I’ve learned never filled the hole.
Why did you teach me to sing 태극기 before sending me far away?

You taught me to sing 애국가.
I sang it respectfully with my right arm on my chest, until it hurt.
I forgot the lyrics, and I learned to sing O Canada.
I never felt at home singing “Terre de nos aïeux” /“Our home and native land” in this foreign land.
I kept thinking of my home in my ancestral land.
Why did you teach me to sing 애국가 before sending me off to a foreign land?

You taught me to draw 태극기.
I drew it everywhere saying proudly “Korea! Korea!” until I hated you.
I stopped looking in the mirror, to avoid the ugly face I inherited from you.
The blue and red 태극 became a red maple leaf.
The fleurdelisé swept up the trigrams, killing my nature.
Why did you teach me to draw 태극기 before abandoning me to strangers?

You taught me to say 우리 대한민국.
I repeated it proudly thinking of you, until I felt ashamed,
I stopped talking about you, the nation which sold me to strangers.
To be part of them, I studied the new language like crazy.
The words you taught me faded away,  digging the abandonment hole bigger.
The new language I learned never filled the hole.
Why did you teach me to say 우리 대한민국 before selling me to a foreign country?

You taught me to sing 우리의 소원은 통일.
I sang it wishing for our unification, until it made me cry.
I yearned for you.
I loved you, and it hurt me to death to love you.
I loved you until I hated you.
I hated you, and it hurt me to death to hate you.

I kept you in my heart by hating you.
I don’t act like you, but I remember the way we lived together.
I forgot the lyrics, but I know the melodies of the songs you taught me.
I forgot the words you told me, but I remember the meanings.
I forgot our language (우리 말), but I remember many words.

Although I hate you, I only remember the words 사랑해요.
My hatred for you flows from the hurt through my 사랑 for you.
I went back to you, yearning for the love.

But you erased me, you forgot me.
And it hurt me to death.

When you sent me far away, you couldn’t see me crying;
You couldn’t see me in pain, and you couldn’t count my tears.

When I went back to you, you saw me crying;
But you still couldn’t see me in pain, and you couldn’t count the tears:
You were still selling your children to foreigners.
You erase them, you forget them.
Because you are indifferent.

Your indifference is the opposite of love.

When you sent me far away, I prayed to 우리 할머니 in heaven to bring me back home.
I tried to please 우리 하나님 to forgive me of my childhood sins, until I had no faith.
Now, I wish my heart was filled with the same indifference as yours.
And, I wish to forget the words 우리의 소원은 통일.
It hurts me to death to think of you.

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