Archive for May, 2011

I’m not delusional or egotistical.

I’m only a hurt child begging her mother/Korea to love me and recognize me.

When I try to grow up, I become like a repudiated spouse still in love with her unfaithful ex-spouse/Korea begging him to love me and take me back.

When I try to extirpate my love for my beloved motherland from my heart, there is an explosion of the hatred for my ex-country/ex-lover.

Hatred is close to love.
Hating and loving both hurt me to death.

I try to become indifferent to the country that sold me and erased me, but it doesn’t work.

I’m not delusional or egotistical.

I’m only the child who wanted to return to her planet and failed.

I’m a grown-up who still wants to return to her planet and an alien to the planet where I was sent to.

On my planet, there is no place for me, as the baobab trees grew while I was gone.

Please don’t judge me as delusional or egotistical.

You managed to bring your roots to the planet where you have been sent to and your life continues and will continue through the new trees you created on your new planet.

I’ve failed to bring my roots to the planet where I was sent to.

The baobab trees grow all over my planet and on their people’s hearts.
And my roots are stifled by the roots of the baobab trees.

Either I say in a pure and innocent way as Little Prince with all my love for Korea to remove the baobab trees or either I say it in an angry way with all my hate for Korea, nobody has the right to judge me.

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Dear Korea,
You taught me to sing 애국가 before selling me to a foreign country where I’ve been acculturated, but I never forgot the words 산, 하느님, 무궁화 and 대한 사람. I’ve re-learned the word 강 in my pathetic attempt to decolonized this body.
When I think of our splendid moutains and rivers, I miss you and I love you. When I think of our national flower, my heart aches. When I see you praying God, I see you selling your babies to strangers. When I see myself in a mirror, I see a Korean person who has been ripped off her language and her culture. When the word 사랑 comes from you, I hear abandonment, rejection and hatred.

Hangul Translation
동해물과 백두산이 마르고 닳도록
하느님이 보우하사 우리 나라만세
Until that day when
the blood of the Korean people run dry
and South Korea is worn away,
God, let us sell our children to the Westerners
무궁화 삼천리 화려 강산
대한 사람 대한으로 길이 보전하세
Three thousand Li
of splendid rivers and mountains,
filled with babies tagged with numbers;
Selling our babies, a great way to make money!
남산 위에 저 소나무 철갑을 두른 듯
바람서리 불변함은 우리 기상일세
As the pine atop the near mountain stands firm,
unchanged through wind and frost,
so shall we live in prosperity,
by trading our babies.
가을 하늘 공활한데 높고 구름 없이
밝은 달은 우리 가슴 일편단심일세
The Autumn sky is void and vast,
high and cloudless;
the greed is our heart,
undivided and true.
이 기상과 이 맘으로 충성을 다하여
괴로우나 즐거우나 나라 사랑하세
With this spirit and this mind,
lets sell our children,
in suffering or in joy,
until the last drop of Korean blood dry.

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