I have two birthdays.
One birthday is the day/ anniversary of the day on which I was born.
The other birthday is the one which appears on my birth certificate but has nothing to do with my birth. Originally it was an ordinary day which had abosolutely nothing to do with me, but an adoption agency’s workers attributed it to me as my birthday as they invented a family background story in order to make me more adoptable/sellable and to prevent my family from finding me.
A birthday is a birthday. One can be born only once in his/her lifetime. There should be no need of adding a modifier with a birthday. But the land of adoption is a land apart where the language is tweaked and moral values are twisted [link], so I have to use a modifier to distinguish between the two birthdays. The day/anniversary of the day on which I was born is my real birthday. The day which appears on my birth certificate is my legal birthday.
Still the legal birthday feels more real and more natural to me as I’ve been using it since almost fourty years, every time I’m required to give my birthday to identify myself for legal matters or every time I’m asked casually when is my birthday or when I’m asked to prove my identity.
I also had two sets of parents (they are all deceased).
One set of parents whom I was born to.
Another set of parents whose names appear on my birth certificate. Originally they were complete strangers who had nothing to do with me, but an adoption agency matched me to them randomly and sold me to them.
A mother is a mother. A father is a father. There should be no need of adding a modifier to a mother or a father, especially to a mother who gave/gives birth to; if there is any need, the modifier should be added to the others (step-mother, mother in law, adoptive mother). But the land of adoption is a land apart where the language is tweaked and moral values are twisted, so I’m going to use the words “real” and “legal”.
Using the word “real” the same way as in my “real birthday”, my real parents are those whom I was born to. I’m using it in an authentic way, not in an emotional way. The other set of parents are my legal parents.
If I had to use the term “real” emotively according to my feelings instead of using it authentically, I would say that the legal birthday which has nothing to do with my birth and yet appears on my birth certificate and legal papers is my real birthday, because I’ve been raised/trained to use it as if I as if it was my birthday, and I would still be saying things all adoptees are raised/trained to say that “my real parents are those who raised me” or that “both my parents are real”.
For years I’ve used the terminology invented by the adoption industry which separated me from my family, “birth mother/birth father” or “biological mother/biological father”, but I don’t anymore.
It would be ludicrous to say “birth birthday” or “biological birthday”, I found the terms “birth parents” and “biologial parents” ludicrous as well and inauthentic.
A mother is a mother and a father is a father regardless, except in the adoptionland where words are twisted, the meaning of the words are changed and moral values are tweaked and twisted.
Holt Adoption Product: 
Hello,
We (my sister and I/ tespectively K-7672 and K-7671) also have 2 birthdays : the one official written on the passport we had when we traveled to France, and the one we have in common with my sister, which is the day we landed in France. We arrived on 10/31/1975. But we don’t have any memory from Korea : I wasn’t 3 y.o yet and my sister only 6 months old…
According to the notes we have, my mother relinquished us in Bethelwon orphanage, seemingly at the birth of my sister and the firector from there brought us to Holt Children’s Services. We stayed in a foster home for 6 months and were sent to France.
I dhould have at least 6 half brother and sister, as my father had 6 other children, but with his wife, who was not my mother.
It appears that my mother had a crippled leg by polyo so that she couldn’t raise us.
I still don’t know if my history was forged by Holt.
Please comment.
Voncent
Bonjour Vincent, il est possible que votre histoire soit entièrement forgée par Holt (comme dans mon cas) tout comme elle peut être entièrement vraie ou entre les deux, c’est-à-dire en partie vraie et en partie inventée comme dans d’autres cas. Êtes-vous à la recherche de votre famille coréenne, sinon pensez-vous le faire?
P.S. J’ai été envoyée aux États-Unis à des Québécois francophones qui ont déménagé sept mois après mon arivée, c’est pourquoi je parle le français.
Oui, je souhaite commencer des recherches mais avec peu d’espoirs si mon histoire est vraie. Si notre mère nous a abandonnés à 36 ans en 1975 en etant atteinte par la polio, il y a peu de chances qu’elle soit en vie aujourd’hui car elle aurait 76 ans et serait handicapée, ce qui doit etre difficile a vivre en Coree quand on est pauvre… Quant a notre pere, je ne suis pas sur qu’il soit ravi de nous retrouver : il aurait quand meme trompé sa femme et ses 6 enfants. Mais cette histoire me semble un peu invraisemblable. Si je comprends un peu la mentalité coréenne certains détails me paraissent incohérents. Comment auraient-ils pu entretenir une relation pendant au moins 2 ans et demi (la différence d’age entre ma soeur et moi) ? Si je crois que c’est possible du côté du père, je vois difficilemrnt la situation acceptable pour une mère, à moins d’avoir gardé l’espoir d’une relation officialisée pendant tout ce temps ?
Il me reste un espoir d’y voir un peu plus clair si je pouvais accéder aux dossiers de Bethelwon : une journaliste américaine, elle aussi adoptée (Jenny Hurwitz) a pu y avoir accès et a découvert les noms et prénoms de ses géniteurs. Auriez-vous les coordonnées de Bethelwon ? Je n’ai pas encore réussi à les avoir et l’adresse mail de Jenny Hurwitz mentionnée dans son article n’est plus valable…
Quoi qu’il en soit, merci pour votre réponse. Et votre français est bien meilleur que celui de Français ayant fait toute leur scolarité en France…
Cordialement,
Vincent.
Non, Bethelwon ne me dit rien, mais si vous avez un compte Facebook, joignez-vous au group de Korean adoptees où d’autres pourraient le connaître.
Reblogged this on Letters to Ms. Feverfew and commented:
An adoptee speaks: listen.