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Archive for the ‘Letter to Korea’ Category

I’m Quebecoise. She’s Korean.
I’m a Scorpio. She’s an Aries.
I was conceived when she was made a paper orphan.
I was bought, she was sold.
I was being born while she was dying.
I grew stronger while she became weaker.
I began to talk when she began to lose her talk.
I was given a name, she lost her name.
I was born when she was buried.

I’m not me. I’m her.
I live in her body with her memories and her ghost.
I lost my true self when I lost her.

I’m Quebecoise.
You snatched away everything but my memories.
You penetrated me forcefully with your mother tongue, your thought and your culture
while emptying me of my mother tongue, my thought and my culture.
I speak like you.
I do things like you.
I think like you.
I have a French Canadian name.
But you reject me because I’m Korean.

She’s Quebecoise. I’m Korean.
She’s a Scorpio. I’m an Aries.
She was created when I became a paper orphan.
She was exported from her country, I was imported to this country
She was being born while I was agonizing.
She grew stronger while I became weaker.
She began to talk when I began to lose my talk.
She was given a name, I lost my name.
She was born when I was buried.

She lost her true self when I lost my self.
She is because I am.
She’s not her. She’s me.

I’m Korean
I lost our talk.
I lost our culture.
I lost my self.
I lost my identity.
I lost everything but my memories of our life together,
because you rejected me, sold me, kicked me out from our land, exported me to a foreign land when I was a little girl.

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You sent me away with an escort and an identification bracelet on each of my wrists.

K-6714 was written on the bracelets.

My name  was also written on  one, the names of strangers were written on the other, but I didn’t know it was my name until the escort read it aloud, for it was written in a foreign language which since then has became my second language.

I loved my name which was chosen for me with love by my mom.

Now I loathe that Asian name  for it doesn’t fit me and sounds foreign to my Quebec ears. I still love my real name when I loathe  my adopted self that took the place of my real self.

I wanted to keep the bracelets  so that I could show them to my friends when I would return home, but I lost my bracelets at the aiport.

I treasured everything I came with from my country — the bag, the New Testament, the Children’s Songs book and the dictionary you gave me,  the clothes and the shoes I wore which I also received from you, and all my gifts I received from others.

I wanted to keep them all for the day I would return home. I wanted to keep them for my friends as a souvenir of my trip to “Miguk”, the country we had spoken of so much as if it was a country of fairy tales.

But the country of fairy tales tourned out to a country of nightmares.

And I never returned home, not until many years later as if I was a tourist.

“What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder” is written in the New Testament you gave me before sending me away.

Yet you put asunder my family and me whom God had joined together, you separated me from my country to which God had joined me.

You sent me away with a visa with the line for the date of bearer’s return completly crossed out.

You kicked me out of my own country as a product of adoption #K-6714.

bearer

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I lost my Mother tongue when I was a little girl.

Transported to a foreign land, I was colonized, emptied of every word you taught me and forcefully penetrated by foreign words.

I feel guilty for speaking their language as if it was my mother tongue.
I feel dirty speaking and thinking in the language that took the place of our Mother tongue.

My ‘mother tongue’, as defined by Statistics Canada, is the language I speak now, the language that was forced upon me.

I feel guilty and dirty for using their twisted definition of a mother tongue.

Our life together, I remember vividly.
The words you told me, I remember them as if you had told them in the language I speak now. The things I said or thought, I remember them as if I had said or thought them in my ‘mother tongue’.

I feel raped in my soul thinking of our life together in my ‘mother tongue’ that forcefully penetrated me leaving no space for our Mother tongue.

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In my next life, I want to be reborn as a 개나리 flower in Korea, so that I can make Koreans happy for a spring and die on my homeland. That’s how much I love Koreans and how much I miss Korea. But I never ever want to be reborn as a girl in Korea, because I was a Korean girl who was happy at the sight of bright yellow flowers.

In my next life, I want to be reborn as a 진달래 flower in Korea, so that I can bring tears of joy to the eyes of a little Korean girl and die on my homeland. That’s how much I love Koreans and how much I miss Korea. But I never ever want to be reborn as a girl in Korea, because I was that little girl who had tears of joy at the sight of the beautiful pink flowers in a forest.

In my next life, I want to be reborn as a 무궁화 flower, so that I can live and die on my homeland being admired and loved by my people. That’s how much I want to be loved by my people and how much I miss my country. But I never ever want to be reborn as a girl in Korea, because I was that little Korean girl who admired and loved her country’s national flower.

In my next life, I want to be reborn as a 나무 in the middle of a forest in Korea, so that I can never be moved from my homeland and so that I can filter the sunlights through my leafy branches to make a girl dance of joy. That’s how much I love and miss my country. But I never ever want to be reborn as a girl in Korea, because I was that little girl who wanted to dance of joy looking the sunlight through leaves in a forest.

I’m nostalgic while humming the air of the songs whose lyrics I lost except the words 개나리, 진달래, 무궁화 and 나무. I’m homesick with grief and sadness when I think of my people. I long and yearn for my lost language, homeland and people.

I want to die at this moment and be reborn in Korea.  But I never ever want to be reborn as a human being in Korea. That’s how much I hate you and despise you, that’s how much you hurt me.

In my next life, I want to be reborn as a flower or a tree in Korea. Because I was a Korean girl, a human being you sold.

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Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard has issued an apology to people affected by Australia’s forced adoption policy between the 1950s and 1970s.

When are you going to offer an apology to the adoptees you sold to foreign countries? Will you ever say sorry to us who have been sold, rejected and denied the right to grow up with our families in our country?

Ms Park Geun-hye , here is the link to the video of the apology, please listen to it and be inspired by it.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-21872954

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