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Posts Tagged ‘Korea’

Her given name is Myung-Sook. Her surname is Kim.

This body I call mine belongs to her.
I grew stronger while she became weaker.
I began to talk when she began to lose her talk.
I was given a name when she lost her name.
I was born when she was buried.

I am because she is.
I live with her memories in her body.
I remember her past life in Korea when I didn’t exist yet.
She was proud of being a Korean.
She thought she was pretty with her beautiful big eyes.
She loved her name and was proud of it.

She’s not because I am.
Her life began to end when I learned to say and write my name.
My name is Kim Goudreau. I’m a Quebecoise de souche (“old stock Quebecker”).
I’m ashamed of Korea and being a Korean.
I wish I was entirely White.
I hate my ugly slanted eyes and my flat nose that make me a foreigner here.
I loathe my middle name, Myung-Sook. It sounds too Chinese and it’s irritating to my ears, just like fingernails being scratched on a blackboard.

Myung-Sook and I are totally different but we were one at the beginning of my life/at the end of her life.
This hand I call my hand wrote her name everywhere while she was dying.

She’s buried deep within me.
She’s my departed true self.
I am not me, I am her.

Every cell of my body yearns for her.
I’m homesick with grief when she yearns for her home country.
I’m wistful when she yearns for her lost language.
I’m nostalgic when she yearns her lost name.
I want to die when she yearns for her departed true self.
I want to die so that I can be reborn as her, my true self.

*hiraeth: a homesickness tinged with grief or sadness over the lost or departed; a mix of longing, yearning, nostalgia, wistfulness, or an earnest desire for the past.

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I’m Quebecoise. She’s Korean.
I’m a Scorpio. She’s an Aries.
I was conceived when she was made a paper orphan.
I was bought, she was sold.
I was being born while she was dying.
I grew stronger while she became weaker.
I began to talk when she began to lose her talk.
I was given a name, she lost her name.
I was born when she was buried.

I’m not me. I’m her.
I live in her body with her memories and her ghost.
I lost my true self when I lost her.

I’m Quebecoise.
You snatched away everything but my memories.
You penetrated me forcefully with your mother tongue, your thought and your culture
while emptying me of my mother tongue, my thought and my culture.
I speak like you.
I do things like you.
I think like you.
I have a French Canadian name.
But you reject me because I’m Korean.

She’s Quebecoise. I’m Korean.
She’s a Scorpio. I’m an Aries.
She was created when I became a paper orphan.
She was exported from her country, I was imported to this country
She was being born while I was agonizing.
She grew stronger while I became weaker.
She began to talk when I began to lose my talk.
She was given a name, I lost my name.
She was born when I was buried.

She lost her true self when I lost my self.
She is because I am.
She’s not her. She’s me.

I’m Korean
I lost our talk.
I lost our culture.
I lost my self.
I lost my identity.
I lost everything but my memories of our life together,
because you rejected me, sold me, kicked me out from our land, exported me to a foreign land when I was a little girl.

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You sent me away with an escort and an identification bracelet on each of my wrists.

K-6714 was written on the bracelets.

My name  was also written on  one, the names of strangers were written on the other, but I didn’t know it was my name until the escort read it aloud, for it was written in a foreign language which since then has became my second language.

I loved my name which was chosen for me with love by my mom.

Now I loathe that Asian name  for it doesn’t fit me and sounds foreign to my Quebec ears. I still love my real name when I loathe  my adopted self that took the place of my real self.

I wanted to keep the bracelets  so that I could show them to my friends when I would return home, but I lost my bracelets at the aiport.

I treasured everything I came with from my country — the bag, the New Testament, the Children’s Songs book and the dictionary you gave me,  the clothes and the shoes I wore which I also received from you, and all my gifts I received from others.

I wanted to keep them all for the day I would return home. I wanted to keep them for my friends as a souvenir of my trip to “Miguk”, the country we had spoken of so much as if it was a country of fairy tales.

But the country of fairy tales tourned out to a country of nightmares.

And I never returned home, not until many years later as if I was a tourist.

“What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder” is written in the New Testament you gave me before sending me away.

Yet you put asunder my family and me whom God had joined together, you separated me from my country to which God had joined me.

You sent me away with a visa with the line for the date of bearer’s return completly crossed out.

You kicked me out of my own country as a product of adoption #K-6714.

bearer

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Maternity homes ran by adoption agencies in Korea and elsewhere and baby factories in Nigeria are not much different from each other. Both are set up and ran by greedy people motivated by the prospect of gaining money. Both benefit from the stigma against single mothers. In a society that shuns and looks down on single mothers, both are the only places where single pregnant women can turn to. Both encourage or force the pregnant women to give up their newborns. Both sell babies. Both have as main clients childless couples. The only difference between them is that a maternity home is legal and has the approval of the government and the society while a baby factory is illegal. A maternity home ran bay an adoption agency is a legal baby factory. Adoption agencies are legal child trafficking orgnisations.

Baby factory in Nigeria [link]

Baby-factory

A maternity home run by an adoption agency in Korea

Seventeen of South Korea’s 25 unwed mothers’ maternity homes are adoption agency owned and operated.[link] By 2015, adoption agencies in Korea will no longer be allowed to establish or to run maternity homes.

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당신은 사랑받기위해 태어난 사람 means
You were born to be abandoned,
because 사랑해요 means I love you.

You were born to be abandoned
Because you were born to a wrong father
You were born to be rejected
Because 사랑해요 means I love you

Do not worry
There is a married woman whose womb has been closed by God; her name is Hannah.
Hannah has great faith in God and she is praying hard to have a child

You were born to be abandoned
Because your were born to a poor parent
You were born to be tagged with a price
Because you were born in a poor country

Do not worry
Hannah lives in a rich country.
And she’ll pay any price to have a child

You were born to be abandoned
Because you were born to a sinner
You were born to be sold
Because you were born in Korea

Do not worry
There is man who heard Hannah’s prayer; his name is Eli
Eli will fix your mother’s mistakes in the name of Jesus

You were born to be abandoned
Because God placed you in the wrong womb
You were born to be shipped off to strangers
Because you were born in the wrong country

Do not worry
The followers of Jesus will fix God’s mistakes.
And the followers of Confucius will send you off with an escort

Be grateful that you are not useless
Hannah’s is happy now, because of your existence in this world.
Followers of Jesus made huge sum of money, because of your existence in this world.
And the followers of Confucius will be happy, the day you’ll visit your birth country to spend your money.

당신은 사랑받기위해 태어난 사람…

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